Tuesday 3 December 2019

Letter from London to the Bookworms Book Club in Stockholm

Letter to the Stockholm Bookworms prior to a meeting to discuss the much-hyped 'Normal People' by Salley Rooney.

Greetings from London,

I couldn't resist sacrificing some valuable shopping time to have a brief word about this book. It is definitely not my cup of carrot juice. I had difficulty getting beyond the first few chapters. Had I picked it up in a bookshop to read a little before making a decision, it would have gone back on its shelf double quick. Apart from finding the present tense uncalled for and difficult to get used to, I kept coming across expressions like, “It's a face like a piece of technology.” Can someone explain what “a piece of technology” is and what such a human face really looks like
 
Before long there was: “She was attuned to his body in a microscopic way.” What, may I ask, is that supposed to mean? And then: “Their secret weighed inside her body...pressing down on her pelvic bones.” After that, I'd had enough as the writing was beginning to press down not only on other vital parts of my anatomy but all my senses.

An Amazon 1-star reviewer gives some more Rooneyisms, like: “He's wholesome like a big baby tooth.” And: “The heat beats down on the back of Connell's neck like the feeling of human eyes staring.” And so it goes on. And on. Book of the year? For me, how this gibberish got into print remains one of the mysteries of the year. At the very least, the publisher's editor should be arrested and put on trial charged with gross negligence, causing untold harm to perfectly innocent and unsuspecting readers duped by the hype.
Yet on both the British and US Amazon sites, 44% of those rating the book gave it a 5, although no fewer than 24% of the UK reviewers were lone-star people and some of those would have given it a very round nought if that were possible. Nevertheless, let's let the admirers (I suspect that Rooney has a very large extended family) have their say.

“I loved this book, I couldn't put it down,” writes one (her mother?). “I felt a strong connection with all the characters, it explores human relations at it's best and worst... This is one of those books that will stay with me and I can't wait for what Sally Rooney (my daughter?) comes up with next!”( Hmmm.)

“I cried a little and found it moving,” writes someone else. “It was an easy read, which was a pleasant welcome after some stuff I have read recently.”

Here's another member of the fan club: “Rooney has a real talent in making you care about these characters and what happens to them, as well as subtly explaining the reasons for their seemingly unexpected and usually misguided actions and decisions... I cannot recommend this book highly enough...”

Contrast those remarks with these from the opposite end of the scale:
“I absolutely hated this book and hated that it sucked hours of my life reading it. I kept hoping it would get better but it just droned on. If this is what millennial writers have to offer, I will begin re-reading the classics or authors from previous generations who knew how to write. Ugh. Horrible.”

“If I could have given this book no stars I would have! It was so dull, boring, badly written and irritating! I had no empathy with any of the characters. I can't believe the comments on the cover are actually about this book!”

“Quite the most inane and intensely annoying book I have ever read.No cliche is left in the bag,the main characters are self absorbed bores,stuff just stupidly happens to enable the damn thing to keep moving forward until the inevitable ending is crowbarred in.”

“Worthless. I wish I could delete the mental pain caused by "this thing", but it is too late now that I've read it. There was no space in the household waste for it, and Bonfire night is too far away, so I have recycled it.”

And there's lots more in the same vein, on both sides. I don't think I've ever found a book with opinions about it so polarised 

My advice is beware of people with heat-ray eyes breathing down your neck, and above allt, take good care of those pelvic bones.

Love to all,
Stanley

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